# 8

MUM’S THE WORD

last night
a pencil saved my life,
I swear.
it saved me from boredom
and
total madness
- those words I stole from Buk.

it was right there
on the seat
where I rested my feet
(call me a rebel).

I thought Thank God,
though really
I don’t like god
at all.

so I wrote
this
in the little black book
with the bic pencil
650 HB
number 2.

(my saviour).

Porte de la Chapelle,
ten past midnight,
wrong direction
-FUCK.
last stop.

I blame Thom Yorke,
the wine
-Saint-Emilion 2005,
and my
third-degree burns.

also to blame
i guess
is my impatience.
quick, quick,
my bed, my man,
my
beautiful
man :

the Quiet One.

I just can’t give
the devil
another victory, you see :
him over me.
no no,
no way.

# 7

GREY COTTON PANTY

Once upon a time
we were just
friends with
benefits
or
something like that.

-oh that is such a
big lie-

I was a bit of a
slut
back then,
a bit of a
tease,
i confess.

One night he
came back
late
from god knows where.
I was
asleep.

Well,
I was
pretending
to sleep.

It was hot and
it was june,
I think,
cause I only had
a light grey
cotton panty
on,
an a tank top.

And I was lying
there
on the bed we had never
shared
to sleep.
Only to fuck.

I was holding
my breath
as
I heard his
footsteps on the
cracking floor.

Then the
cracking stopped
and I knew he
was
right there
standing
at the door

looking at me

sleeping

or so he thought.

It lasted quite a
while,
I could feel his gaze on
my bare thighs
calves,
feet,
and I thought

this is quite a
beautiful
moment.

I’ve kept it
for myself
until
now

© me – 09.03.09

# 6

LINES

In the mirror i saw
the face of
the girl that people call
madam.

I don’t
quite understand
how it happened.

I was 20
yesterday.

© me – 26.02.09

# 5

WASTED TIME
(edited version)

Every time I
have to bang that
fucking door,
I frown
and kick invisible stones
like
a whimsical child,

cause
I want to be around
you
all the time.

- please excuse
the cheesiness.

© me – 25.02.09

# 4

ENDGAME

I sometimes ponder over
the day
we’ll say goodbye
(soon)

I will miss bedtime
and
sunday mornings

I will miss the rum and lime
and the wine
(California)
that cheeky smile of yours and
your hands
everywhere
(my hair my ass my face my cunt)
and your mouth

You’ve been more
than you think
not just a *vet*
and I care
-not the way i would for a pet-
It’s just different
(you know)

It wasn’t just a place to
recover from Hell
or
to store my shoes
(the kitty cat will miss them)
(i will surely miss her)

I will remember the laughters
not the fights
(those are not fights, i hear you say)
I will recall
the post-it notes
otis
the coffee
and
the smell of your cigarettes
(camels)

I will reminisce
that look
and june, and july
and your sweetness
(thank you)

© me 21.07.08

#3

SUMMER

that night
it actually felt like
it was
summertime.
(I had a green dress on).

I was walking barefoot
on the wooden floor
and drinking rum,
or was it tequila?

and while doing so
and chatting
and laughing (hahaha),
I was stroking his thigh
gently.

I felt like he was mine already,
in a way.

(he was not).

I kissed the pretty girl
sitting on the couch,
or was it her.
well, we kissed anyway.

that was fun.

then it was late,
then we were drunk,
then she fell asleep
on my bed.

he kissed me
as I sat
on the kitchen worktop,
kissed me there and there
(and there).
it was all
spinning around.
(too much rum).

maybe I tasted like lime.

I don’t know why I keep
thinking about
that night
that dress
that kiss of his.

nostalgia :
quite a serious disease,
if you ask me.

© me 18.11.08

# 2

THE SPACE

there is always
this space,
no matter what we do
or say
or how much we laugh
or how tight he holds
my hand.

there’s always this space
between his body
and mine,
no matter how close
he leans to me,
i can’t reach him
completely
- i’ve tried,
i’ve failed.

it’s the past,
it’s « them » or « her »,
everything
before me,
the pictures and memories
(snapshots),
all those things
that i don’t know about
- his secret thoughts.

or maybe it’s just me.

there’s always this space
that i can’t penetrate
that can’t quite get filled,
and i don’t think
it ever will.

© me 22.12.08

# 1

GONE WITH THE FEAR

back then
i let go
of her hand.
now she is
out of sight,
and i’m standing here
with the mess,
shaking.

it’s been a long time
since i saw her smile
with that bitchy smile
she uses
to get
what she wants.

not sure
i can
find her again.
time will tell.
i’ll try, i’ll look for her,
i’ll call out her name,
come back, me !

i’m on a quest
to restore the faith

so

bye for now.

© me 06.01.09